Monday, August 2, 2010

Can i have an ugly caddie?

My wife Laong and i have been together for nearly 7 years. We've been married for nearly 6 of those years. Blissfully? For the most part,yes. We have the odd difference of opinion like any married couple. These differences are born mainly from the diversity and separation of our two cultures. But we've never really had any serious fall outs.    Save one!
                      I decided to squeeze in a round of golf at the Chao Praya Dam golf course before the monsoon rains really too a hold. I was quite surprised when Laong announced her intention to accompany me. On arrival at the course i paid my green fees and was making preparations to start a double circuit of the very pleasant 9 hole layout. My caddie was fastening my golf bag to her trolley and making her own preparations when Laong went straight into volcano mode. "Who's that"? she exploded, pointing towards the young girl next to me. It was only then that i noticed how attractive my assistant for the next few hours was.
                          She was in her mid-twenties with soft brown eyes and a ready smile. She wore her hair up which revealed a perfect facial bone structure and a slender shapely neck. "That's my caddie" came my stunned reply. "Your what"? said Laong. I tried to explain that it was her job to transport my clubs and advise me on shot selection.  Laong stomped over to a notice board that showed numerous passport sized photographs of all the caddies employed at the course. She pointed to the image of a rather plump lady in her mid to late forties and said , "she help you".  The girl on the desk explained that my current caddie was the only one available. After several embarrassing heated exchanges Laong conceded to allow the young girl to remain in my employ but insisted on walking round with us.
                            The sun was at it's zenith in a cloudless sky and beat down without mercy. I applied a generous amount of sunblock to my neck and forearms and handed Laong my large golfing umbrella. Standing on the first tee, trying to visualize the upcoming shot,i was still reeling from the incident that had just transpired and in a frame of mind a million miles away from focused and concentrated.
                            I sliced my tee shot into the far right treeline. It turned out to be the best shot i played all day as i hacked my way round the first 9 holes. Laong stayed with us for the first 4 holes before succumbing to the effects of heat and thirst and returning to the clubhouse. She muttered some words, i know not what, to the caddie as she was leaving. The poor young girl looked in fear for her life and trailed at least 25 yards behind me for the rest of the round.
                              I gave up at the turn since i had run up an enormous amount of strokes and i was in no mood to continue. The unfortunate caddie even had to forgo her tip as she handed back my clubs under Laong's poisonous gaze.
                                  The course at Chao Praya Dam is short (2697 yards for 9 holes) but well maintained with some tight challenging holes. The third hole tees off from an elevated platform built in the shallows of the river. The par 5 fifth runs parallel to the river and finishes on a green with a great close up view of the dam itself. You can contact the course directly by telephone(0 5641 1559) to arrange the services of an ugly caddie should you so require!
                                                  The young lady shown in the photograph is not my caddie. In fact, i can't even take credit for the shot as i "lifted" it from a photo bank. I included it as it fitted in well with the story.


  1. Sounds like birdie problems to me....

    All the best, Boonsong

  2. Tom I think you're suffering some after-burn from the Tiger Woods affair of late last year.

    Do the members of the Chao Phraya Dam Golf Club refer to you as Tiger Tom or Cougar Yam, if so then I should start packing your bags now or at least sleep with a four iron for security.

    Your birdie needs to putt this behind her or it will drive a wedge between the pair of you.

    Nice post.

  3. Ha ha, classic story - thanks for sharing.

  4. Thanks for checking in guys. I'm sure all of our wives and girlfriends trust us 100%.....They just don't trust anyone else!

  5. Tom, that was funny -- for me at least. As you said, the TGs don't trust anyone else. I recall a reader submission by a Thai woman on Stickman who told the story of being at a hotel and the pretty staff putting the happy eye on her handsome farang husband. They even made plays right in front of her until she made it known she was his wife. She was pretty cool about it, but yes, TGs don't trust each other.

  6. Hi Rick,
    And all this time i thought it was because i was such a good catch but it turns out they just don't trust each other!!!

  7. I'm not a TG...but a AW (Aussie wife) and I think I'll be siding with Laong on this one. Luckily for me, the only form of Caddie at Stray's local golf course, involves a remote control and wheels :)

  8. Hi Snap, Sounds like you and Laong would get along just fine!!